La Femme Nerdita

Up until this point in time, I have always been a major fan of their products; they were on the less expensive end of things without being overly cheap, and they wound up producing the first ever whipped cream vodka that wound up being so damned successful that it spawned a whole series of bizarrely accurate flavors. I have since tried their Swedish Fish, marshmallow, and cake vodkas (Lee just shudders and sticks to his kiwi-strawberry) all of which have been pretty delightful in terms of shot aftertaste.

But tonight, I ventured too far. I innocently stepped where no self-respecting drinking novice should have ever gone. I bought the cookie dough flavor.

It really made sense at the time, what with its preceding flavors all leaning in the general direction of 'it's like eating like a fatass, but drinking like a fatass instead!' But instead of leaving me with a yearning to rush all three feet into the kitchen and whip up one of my boxed cookie dough mixes because I'm too drunk to do the whole flour/baking powder/baking soda/cool the dough/rounded teaspoonfuls crap, I'm left with the aftertaste of...

...

...

chocolate chip muffin...diarrhea? Ugh.

My immediate first reaction was to pitch the bottle, but once when we first started dating, Lee got really mad at me when we were eating sushi and I threw a grain of rice at him at the table when we were play-fighting.

He got all humanitarian on me about kids not eating in other places of the world over a fucking grain of rice, so imagine if I threw out a whole bottle of vodka. There are literally dozens of may be/may not be homeless people on street corners all over the greater Akron area who would trade a cigarette and maybe a blow-y for a bottle of this drunken Pillsbury horseshit!

I will test it again.

Oh my God. It tastes like something I fucked up in an easy bake oven when I was 8. I'm going to have to Google drink recipes that can maybe make getting through this bottle a little less painful. First world problems, y'all.